Before, During, After
by illman
Summary: The conversation between Greg and Catherine in PwF. COMPLETE
1. Before: Catherine's POV

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Note: Okay, I was sure I wasn't going to write anything on "Play with fire". But then a 10 Mile walk and a long conversation about guilt came up, and I had to write this afterwards. To those who made it possible for me to see the episode even though I don't live in the US.

Apologies if someone has written something similar already.

Chapter1:

Before: Catherine's POV

It's only been like 12 , maybe 14 hours since the last time I've been here. But since then, since I've been here this morning with Warrick, so much has changed. It was just another incident to investigate. Maybe a little more personal, a little closer to home, yes, but still like any other investigation. But then, it has become my personal Watergate so to speak. And I didn't see it coming, not once. I was sure that Hodges had been negligent with his developer pan. 

Normally, I'm not the regretting type at all. If I were, I'd never gotten to where I am now. And I used to think that this was a good place to be, a job I love. But lately, I haven't been up to it, working all day, trying to sleep and trying to bring up a daughter. Is that just too much, or is it me? I used to be able to, I think. And I used to look forward, always. But now, it's different, or is it? My life is spinning out of control, my daughter gets caught fighting in school and I can't get through to her, my ex-husband's dead and I have no clue what to feel about that. 

But now I'm here to do what has to be done. I'm a bit afraid, I must admit to myself, afraid of what's going to happen in the next few minutes. But no, all I have to do is open the door and walk in. 

Greg is asleep, hopefully getting much needed rest and not having nightmarish replays of the explosion. I try to make as little noise as possible, in order not to wake him up. I already felt bad enough when I was here with Warrick, bothering him with questions.

Am I just here to ease my mind?

He's lying on the side, because his back's burned. The burns on his neck, they're now covered with bandage. I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure that it'll leave a scar. A scar that'll remind me of today. I'm so selfish, thinking about my conscience here. The scar will not only remind me, it'll remind him too. Only difference is that I can look away, he can't. He's the one stuck with this ugly memento. He deserves to hear it from me and not from Grissom or whoever will tell him. I'm not here for me, I am here because it's the right thing to do.

There are thousands of lights out there, making out the city. A city filled with people, individuals, all carrying their own burden, having their own demons to battle. I'm no different. That's a bit of a consolation. But out there are also those we won't catch, because the lab blew and the relative who won't find closure now. It's not right and it's not fair. But what is? Rarely the right people pay, there always innocents paying the price as well. Greg and Sara had paid a price today. Who am I to be feeling sorry for myself and the mess that my life is right now? Here I am starting to sort things out.. Then, I need to go home and talk to Lindsey. Not that I haven't tried before. At least my 5 day suspension means that I have some time to take care for her. Not that five days can make up for never having time for years. Today, I feel like I have failed in every regard. Can't think like that. It's not true. It was a combination of factors. The hot plate, the liquid, the closed evidence room. It's the butterfly and the tornado.

I can still walk out, and he'll never know I was even here. But then someone at the lab is going to tell him, and that's a lot worse. The longer I'm standing here, the less sure I feel. I felt sure today when I was in the office with Grissom and Dr. Cavallo. But here it's different, here are more emotions in it. What if Greg doesn't take it well at all? What if he throws me out? 

Well then I'll go, I guess. Not that that'll happen, I think. It doesn't matter what I think, I'm here now and that's what counts.

I hear him stir, that's it. Here goes nothing.


	2. During

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The beginning of the dialogue is taken directly from the episode.

Chapter2: 

During

"What time is it?"

"Late"

"How long have you been here?"

"A while"

"You figured out what happened in the lab, didn't you?"

"Yes, and I wanted you to hear it from me" Catherine pulled up a chair and sat down.

"The explosion it was my fault. I made a mistake and I want you to know that I'm sorry. " There she'd said it.

A pause, she had to force herself to keep looking at Greg and not look away.

"What happened?" Greg finally asked. Catherine was taken aback, this was not what she expected. Not at all. She wondered whether Greg had even gotten what she had just said. 

"Someone left a hot plate turned on inside the fume hood. I put a glass with an unknown liquid from a scene inside. The heat caused it to explode." Catherine stated, matter-of-factly, trying to keep her tone neutral.

"It was an accident right, the plate gets left on all the time. Maybe I left it on myself"

"We think Hodges might have accidentally left it on, but there's no way to know"

"Doesn't matter. Is Grissom mad?" That was typical for him, Greg was usually worried about what Grissom was going to say.

"I don't know. Dr. Cavallo suspended me for a couple of days. But I'll still be back before you are probably." What should have been an attempt to lighten up the conversation, came across bitter, and Catherine regretted it instantly. 

"I got lucky, I figure." Greg  managed a tired smile. Not exactly his usually grin, but still Catherine was happy to see it.

"You did."

Greg looked like he was trying to remember something that he wanted to say.

"Anyone else get hurt?" he managed, obviously very tired.

"No, thankfully not, some minor injuries, cuts."

"That's good." A longer pause followed and Catherine had already thought that Greg had drifted of to sleep again, when he spoke again.

"What about all the cases?" his tone was rather agitated now.

"Destroyed mostly, but don't worry about it. We'll try to piece together is much as possible." This was far more optimistic then Catherine felt. When Greg didn't answer, she noticed that Greg was having a hard time staying focussed. He could barely keep his eyes open.

"Good night, Greg." Catherine slowly got up and left quietly.


	3. After: Greg's POV

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter3: 

After: Greg's POV

Oh man, I'm glad I didn't blow up the lab. Not that I have been thinking much today, I'm far too whacked on whatever painkiller they gave me, but it occurred to me that I might have blown up the lab. I was really afraid of that. I love my job, even if I'm cooped up in the lab all day. 

When Catherine was there when I woke up, I felt that something was up. I knew that she had a story to tell, if she waited so long for me to wake up. A bad story. It was either her or me on this. But if it had been me, it would probably been Grissom to fire my ass. I knew it was her before she told me. If I had been in her position, I don't know if I could have done the same. It must have taken a hell of a lot of courage to come here tonight.

If I blame her? Honestly I don't know. I don't think so at least. Maybe I will later. Right now, it's all to much, I don't really understand what went on this morning. I mean, of course I know that the lab blew up. But that's about it. Memory wise, it's pretty poor. Smelling the smouldering plastic, turning, nothing. I think I remember something else, firemen in their yellow suits, checking the building. That must have been after the blast. Was I even conscious then? Hell, I don't know. There is so much I don't know, and that freak me out to be honest. Was anyone else hurt, what's with all the cases? I should have asked Catherine about that. Or did she tell me, it was getting kinda hard to follow in the end. I'm someone who wants to know. That's what I do at the lab. Getting to the bottom of things, picking them apart, in the chemical sense. Down the to elements. You can't strip human emotion down to the elements. There're no predictable reactions, so maybe I'll blame her one day, but I hope, right now no, I don't blame her or anyone else for that matter.

This day, one hell of a day. A real bad day? A lucky day? Questions. And there are more where those came from. What if I hadn't turned around to check for the smell? What about all the cases, the bad guys that'll get away now?

That's a lot of could haves and should haves. It went how it went.

It's been a long day, I need to sleep now. Life goes on tomorrow.


	4. After: Catherine's POV

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter 4: 

After: Catherine's POV

I'm glad. Glad that I went to him and told him straight away that it was my fault that the lab blew up, that it was me who had been negligent. Now, I have to go home and the hard part starts. I hope Lindsey is asleep, she really should be. What if she asks why I don't have to work for a few days.? When I tell her, what is she going to think? Her mother making mistakes and blowing up the lab. I've got the feeling I'm too tired to think straight and I'm probably right. Well, I'm only human. But maybe in the wrong areas. There is nothing I can do, except try to do the right things. I have started tonight.

Note: I'm not equally happy about all parts and I hope it's somewhat understandable what's going on. I broke it into chapters to separate the different POVs. Good, bad, indifferent, please let me know.

For those who've read my WIP Freier Fall, I hope I get it updated this week.


End file.
